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Just for fun: Imagine you could direct a 'dream movie.' What would it be like?

Topic started by purv (@ 198.38.6.253) on Tue Jun 29 11:44:19 EDT 2004.
All times in EST +10:30 for IST.

Hi guys. I tried to post this thread yesterday, and some %&*!@#!@ deleted it. I sincerely hope that won't be the case with this thread.

So, the topic: if you were in charge of a Tamil film, just imagine what it would be like. Let's have fun with this thread.

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Responses:

• Old responses
  
• From: zz (@ 203.145.174.4) on: Fri Sep 3 09:01:24 EDT 2004
  
  >>>TiS-nu ezhutheerukku?"
  Rajni lips curve up in one side (Bayangara BGM!) "Thanni in Sombhu!"
  
  Punch maaa....Great epdi...ippadi...current affairsa summa padathula...vaira jarigaiyaattam pinnureenga...
  
  Continue...interval vidadeenga...padam soodapoikittu irukku.
  
  
• From: magix (@ 203.101.36.59) on: Fri Sep 3 09:25:33 EDT 2004
  
  Aaha.. adhaan "subham" potaache!!! :)
  
  I can post another movie we wrote though.. a Vijaykanth starrer! :)
  
  
• From: magix (@ 203.101.38.184) on: Fri Sep 3 23:50:22 EDT 2004
  
  "Thaaye Thamiley".. VK's new movie!
  
  
  C~P:
  
  Vijaykanth has acted as a Commisioner, AC, Constable (All numbers - 401,501,302 etc etc), DIG. Idhukku maela avar nadikkarthukku Indian Police Service-la pudhusa designations add panninaadhan undu. While a request has been made to the PrimeMinister for this, Vijaykanth decides to do a different role in the meanwhile...
  
  Cowboy presents MaaMoo productions Vice Captain Vijaykanth in...
  Title : Thaaye Thamiley
  Sub Title : Thamizh. Tamizh-la ivarukku varaatha orey vaarthai!
  
  Gumm Iruttu. Deep forest and absolutely no light (PC Sreram's camera is borrowed for such special shots!). Camera-va zoom panrom, panrom pannkittae irukkom. Thideernu vellai colour-la edho onnu theriyuthu. Count panni paartha 32 irukkuthu. Further zoom would reveal some plaque, so we stop here! Right, adhu Vijaykanth-in parkal! (There is nothing else that could be used to spot him in thuis gumm iruttu!). Aandavin padiappai paartheengala...Detective-a irukkara Vijaykanth-ku indha maathiri "auto camoflauge" facility ellam koduthirukkar!
  
  Why is he here??
  
  *Mortein Coil-a suththarom*
  (Due to some misunderstanding with Tortoise Pvt. Ltd.(!), their competitors have been roped in. They also gave us some special concessions, hence this special mention!)
  
  Over to flashback expert magix....wait, lemme give him a patta peyar..."Tortoise" magix...
  
  
  magix:
  
  *happily grabs the megaphone w/ a few Tortoise (I'm brand loyal!) coils attached*
  
  cut to village (VK padam pa, fans (!!!??) sandaikku vandhuruvaanga if there's no village scene!)
  Priya Trivedi in a white wig is washing a few clothes w/ Ujala (enga ponaalum ungala brand names thuratheende irukkum!).
  Paleech-nu venmai! apadiye zoom in, when u zoom out, the vellai shirt and vellai veshti are on Captain VK! paavam, innam unnaralaya, annanukku slight-a cold! :)
  captain VK's only son is not yet married. Hardly surprising, since he's a photocopy of his dad! (minus the white hair... the dye's glaringly obvious.. adellam neenga kandukka pdaadhu!)
  
  Vice Captain VK Chennaikku poi kadum police training eduthuttu varaaru... at the end of 6 months, he really looks 6 months! Oorukku vandha udana, he tries to fall at his dad's feet.. paavam, thoppai iduchadhaal oru trademark smile kudukaraan.. appa VK also is relieved silently as he'd have himself had to bend down to bless his son!
  
  Enter Nirmala.. capt VK's wife! Ramarajan-a vida kanraaviyaana colour combination-la varaanga..
  "TamilAlagan(!!)..en magane.. eppadi da irukke? cheppu da cheppu"
  VK gives his smile again "Illa ma.. idhu boots." :)
  
  Captain VK's dad.. that's TamilAlagan's thaatha.. Thilagan. Inniko naalaikko-nu paduthu kadakaar. Aanalum thaanthaan naatamai-ya irukanam-nu oru kevalamana ennam!
  Captain VK begs "appa, unga peran vandhurukaan.. ippovaavathu antha naatamai pattatha en kitta kudungalen"
  Thilagan : "poda patti.. naanthaanda ennaikkum naatamai.. ithaanda en theerpu.. manslaayoo?"
  Captain VK (at a decibel level of 250).. "Heyy! Theerpa maathi sollu!"
  
  paavam, bayandhu angaye putaaru thaatha.
  
  What's police training got to do w/ ThamilAlagan in the jungle? C~P'll tell ya! ;)
  
  
• From: magix (@ 203.101.38.184) on: Fri Sep 3 23:59:12 EDT 2004
  
  From: C~P (@ 61.95.159.16) on: Mon Mar 1 13:09:46 EST 2004
  
  Pappaen pappaen paenn(Yezhavu music dhaan!!) Priya Trivedi is opparivechufying...bawa mar gaya! ;-) (readers are requested to note the Ujala connection - Vellai Pudavai!)
  
  Aala maram - kizhunja jamakaalam - nasungina sombhu - isthukunnu irukkara rendu moonu perisu - suththi oru 40-50 verri pasanga. Idhaan next scene! All these are actually mandatory for a Panchayat scene, nobody knows why. (Tradition affect pannama irukka director uses it!)
  
  "Naattamai seththu ponathukku yaar karanam?" Idhudhaan topic! Captain Vijaykanth-ku moonji ellam vaethu poachu. Avar dhaan karanam-nu therinja, avaroda mathippum mariyaathaum enna aagarthu? So, sondha payyan maela pazhi poda mudivu senju he sez...
  "Apparu enakku deivam maathiri. Enakku thamil thappu thappa kaththu kuduththa maatha, pitha, guru, perima, perippa, chithappa, chithi, mama, mami ellamey avarthaan! Tamilandu-la oru nimishathula 74 paer porakkaraanga, 12 paer saagaraanga. Aaga moththam oru nimishathula 61 (idhaan VK maths.. kandukaadhenga!)paer puthusa uruvaagina Tamizhnaatula vaazha idamey illama poidum. Ippo irukkara 1234.78kg Ponni rice pathaama podium, yaena nammaloda thevai 2908.12kg-a irukkum. Baakki arisikku namma enna seyya porom? Nammaloda 3.4 kodi vivasaayigal saethula kaala vechadhaan namma soathula kayya vekka mudiyum! Adhunaala dhaan solraen enga appa sethathukku karanam en payyan TamilAlagan dhaan!"
  
  Nobody in the Panchayat is able to comprehend what Vijaykanth sez. But the perisus know what Vijaykanth is capable of and so they are just happy to gulp down the thanni in the nasingi pona sombhu! Suddenly one of the sez...
  "Namma periyayya sollartha vechu paakkumboathu avar paechula nyayam irukkartha enakku theriyuthu....Aaamaam, aamaam, aamaam (chorus!)...Adhunaala avara aduththa Naatamai-a indha ooru yaethukkuthu aana avar TamilAlaganukku sariyaana dhandanai kodukkanum..."
  
  Captain sez..."TamilAlagan-ai indha oora vittu oththi vekkaraen..avanukku yaarukkum water packet-o, Chappathi, Fried Rice etc etc edhuvum kodukka koodaathu. Appadi koduththa, enakku adhula sample kodukkanum!"
  
  TamilAlagan kan-a JOOM panni kaatrom. (I am mentioning this specially so that people don't get confused that we are showing some saakkadai or something!). Red kannu...night fulla orey tight...hangover!...adhula corner-la konjam thanni. But hero azhalaama? Koodaathu! So Vijaykanth kovathula oora vittu odi poraaru!! Adhirchiyila, shockwaves vandhu oorey destroy aagiduthu!
  
  Vijaykanth now goes to Chennai to see if he can utilise his "police body" (thoppai dhaan!) somehow and get some useful work. Avarukku indha periya coat-na romba pudikkum, adhunaala detective aagalaamnu oru ennam.....
  
  Continued...
  
  From: magix (@ 61.247.246.244) on: Mon Mar 1 13:50:23 EST 2004
  
  Chennai-kku vandhadhum enna pannaradhunu theriyaama muzhikaraar VK. So he roams from street to street hoping to find a good place to setup an office for himself..
  Throughout his journey, he'd been wondering what he was good at. He decides to become a detective jus for the overcoat.. paavam adhu mathavangallukku overcoat. Annanukku bodyhugging shirt! adjust pannikalaam solli Chennai-la adhuvum Mount Road-la oru 1000 sq feet-ukku nelam vaangi, business setup pannaraar ViceCaptain. (Dabbu pathi ellam keka koodathu... if VK's movies lack nething.. it's LOGIC!).
  
  Vellilerundhu paartha, summa grand-a oru building. "Joom" in to his office... On the door is a picture of a bloodshot eye w/ a caption "TamilAlagan Private Eye"!! Inside is our VK sitting smugly in his plush chair talkin to a pretty(?) girl. Camera focus shifts to the gal... It's Sonia Agarwal.. looking deeply into VK's eyes!!!
  VK: "Hey! Madam! Echoochme? U listen to what i say?"
  Sonia: "huh.. sorry-nga.. i was wondering how much thanni u put last nite"
  VK: "hey! romba thimura pesadhe.. vandha kaariyatha sollu.. vetti pechu pesa indha TamilAlagan onnum Sobless man illai"
  Sonia: "Yeah.. yeah.. I'll come to the point. There's this man i know who's setup a butcher shop adjacent to my college....."
  VK looks clueless! Sonia takes pity on him and translates.. :)
  she continues "En college pakkathula Hussein-na oruthan kasaapu kadai vechurukaan.. Naanga thamizh-la oru naadagam seyyumbothu, vandhu thamizh-a pathi asingasingama satham potaan.."
  VK's eyes grow redder (if possible), his paunch wobbles in anger, he get's up in complete rage and slams his hand on the table and the table cracks into 2. He sits back in his chair still angry.. his chair cracks into 2! :p
  
  "Hei! intha TamilAlaganukku tamil thaan pechu moochu watch-u ellam.. tamil-a pathi thappa pesinavangala summa vida maataan. idhu tamil naatuke avamaanam.. indha TamilAlagan Intelligence Service-a vechu andha dheeviravaadhiya kandupidichu konduvaralai, en peru tamilalagan-e illai"
  Sonia: Theeviravaadhiya?
  VK: aamaam! tamil-a kolai pannaravan ellam dheeviravaadhi thaan!
  Sonia-kku enga poi muttikanam-nu oru small confusion! :)
  
  So TamilAlagan sets out in all earnestness... andha Hussein yaaruna kandu pidikara varai thookam kidayaathu-nu oru sabatham. So he searches ENTIRE Chennai using Winamp 2.9!!!!
  of course.. andha college irukara theruva thavira ella edathayum theduvaar! Kidaikalainnu, he upgrades to Winamp 3.1.. still no luck!
  
  Then as he changes the skin in Winamp (that's his way of "jooming" into a territory), he notices something strange going on in a park. Next second he's there, "dravelling" at the speed of light.
  He notices Aishwarya Rai reading a newspaper. (last year's newspaper.. adhulayaavadhu avala pathi ethaavathu nallatha ezhutheerukka-nu oru nappaasai-la thedara!)
  
  contd....
  
  
• From: magix (@ 203.101.38.184) on: Sat Sep 4 00:02:05 EDT 2004
  
  From: C~P (@ 61.95.159.16) on: Mon Mar 1 13:58:52 EST 2004
  
  She spots VK'a advt to give "thagaval" abt Hussain. VK-oda brains-a nambi she gives info abt "Saddam Hussain". Adhayum nambiduthu janthu! Reward kidaikkum-nu romba aavaloda irundha Aishu-ku yaemaatram...
  "Tamilai kaththu kolluvathu eppadi"-nu oru Book koduthharu VK, indha chinna vayasula Fancy Dress competition-nu prize-a koduppangaley, andha maathiri!!
  
  Ippo info use panni kandu pudikka poraar Vice Captain!...
  
  *Iruttu!*
  
  *Mortein coil in opposite direction!*
  Flash Back mudinjudhu! Now everybody keep ur eyes sharp. PC Sreram camera shots...so appuram Vijaykanth-a paarka mudiyala, time waste, money waste-nu sollatheenga!!
  
  Vijaykanth gudu gudu odifies waking up all the animals in the jungle and sees a pazhadinja bungalow. He thinks that this is the hideout of Hussain. But actually he fails to realise that it was a wonderful bungalow 5 mins back but became paazhadinjufies because he ran!!
  
  Ulla pona he sees that everybody is dead! Last scene aachey, yaarkitta dialogue pesa? Orey varuththam aagi poachu! So he decides that he will say all his last scene dialogues to a dead body...
  "Dei Hussainu, unakku enna paththi theriyaatdhu da...naan mm-nu sonna poathum, indha tamil naattu makkal unnai thookki...."
  *phat!*
  Thideernu oru sound! Lights oru second-ku off aagiduchu. VK kannathula kai vechundu irukkaru.
  (Psst..paisa kodutha vandhadhunaala ungalukkellam unmaiya sollaraen...kodumai thaangaama ponam VK-va palaar-nu adichiduchu! Hero adi vaangartha kaatakoodaathu paarunga, adhaan lights-a off pannittom!)
  
  Adutha naal paper-la flash news...
  Saddam Captured. Smoked out of a tunnel.
  
  VK-ku semma kovam. Kannu red-a aaguthu. (Thirumba thirumba idhayeva shoot panna mudiyum...muthal-la oru vaatti shoot pannittu, appuram copy paste dhaan!) Naera he goes to Sonia Agarwal's place...
  VK : Eyyyy...Veleeya vaadi...
  Sonia : Hey Mr. Enna mariyaathey illama pesara?
  VK : Idho paaru indha paper-a
  Sonia : Hindu. Aiya, same pinch...enga vootlayum adhaan vaangarom!
  VK : Jee wat ij in it modom!
  Sonia : Saddam Husaain Smoked out of a tunnel. Adhukku enna?
  VK : Hujain oru kuzhiyila cigarette pudichuttu irundhaarnu paper-la poatirukkan...avana photo vaera eduthirukkanga..idhukku enna artham?
  Sonia : Camera proper-a work aaguthunnu artham!
  VK : Indha hujain-a pudikka solli dhaaney enna anuppineenga?
  Sonia : Yov kaena kabothi. Idhu Jadam Hujain...err..Saddam Hussain,naan sonathu namma Hussain Baai...Bismillah street-la irukkaru-la avar!
  VK : Ohh, sori modom!
  Sonia : Ring Guard podu!
  
  Thirumba kannu red aaguthu...
  
  Continued...
  
  
  Due to lack of time, we leave it open for any one of you ppl to complete this wonderul Vijaykanth film and be happy that u helped VK with something!
  
  
• From: magix (@ 203.101.38.184) on: Sat Sep 4 00:06:35 EDT 2004
  
  From: magix (@ 61.247.249.34) on: Mon Mar 1 23:47:24 EST 2004
  
  So VK sets out to catch Hussein Bhai.. He's seriously contemplating a plan to get to Bismillah street unnoticed. Tears come to his eyes as he recollects his 1st encounter in Bismillah street.
  *tortoise coil*
  First vaati andha theru-kku pogumbothu, Pudhu vidhamaana erumai-dhaan vandhuduchu-nu ore commotion! All the butchers, indha erumaiya naan thaan vettuven naan thaan vettuven-nu ore aarpaattam. VK merandupoi full speed-la odaraar! Virumaandi Jallikattu scene maari irukku!! Finally, escape aidaraar.
  *tortoise recoils :p*
  
  He hits upon a masterplan.. He goes to DHL parcel service office, and couriers himself to Bismillah street! DHL avanga entire years of service-la ippadi oru Freight charge paarthadhe illai! Endha manushan-aalayum thooka mudiyalai! But being a very duty conscious company, they somehow manage to deliver the parcel to Mr.Hussein.
  Hussein, played by Prakash Raj,is in the midst of vettifying a maadu.. He's lived all his life on the banks of the Koovam nadhi, yet parcel varumbothu gabbu thaangala! Precaution-ukku avarodu rendu Dogs-ayum pakkathula vechukuraan.
  VK apadiye Dabbava pichundu velliye vara, Hussein sets his dogs on him..
  VK oru bayangaraana pose kuduthu "Heyy! I aarder you to stay!"-nu solla, Oru naai bayandhu poi thirumbi paarkaama odi poiduthu! Hussein is left shouting after the dog, "pannadai pannadai! naaye, vekkama illae? Seri ozhi! Tommy.. neeyaavathu avana poi kadi. Unna nalla Police train panneerukene, vaccinate panni, saapaadellam potene.. nandri ulla naai thaaneda nee?"
  
  Tommy is overcome by emotion! He decides to do the unthinkable jus because hismaster wished him to do so... and w/ a heavy heart.. goes and bites TamilAlagan. All of a sudden, Tommy froths at the mouth and dies. :(
  TamilAlagan avan trademark sirippu onnu kuduthu he says "indha TamilAlagan-a naai kadicha, naaike rabies vandhudum!!!!".
  
  Hussein-ku ore sogam.. nalla naai, anyaayama poiduche! He looks at VK "Dei pannade! Indha dialogue-a munaadiye adichurundhena en naai aavathu pozhachurukkum!"
  
  VK launches into a great speech filled w/ statistics about how many dogs are there in this world, complete w/ naming the origin of every breed known to man! Sethu pona Tommy-ae VK kaal-la poi vizhum!
  
  Hussein: "dei dei! niruthuda! en pondaati kooda ivalo pesa maaata da! vaaya vechundu summaave irukka maatiya, sethu pona en naai aathma saanthi adaya vida maatiya?"
  
  VK: "appo olungu mariyaathaiya ore edathula nillu. ippadi apadi aadite irunthe-na sudarathu evalava "kastam" theriyullaiye unakku!"
  Hussein: "Enna yenda sudda porae? Naan endha thappum pannalai, aanalum un lollu thaangama police-kitta surrender aaren sollaren illa"
  after a moment's thought, adds "pannadai"(!!).
  VK: "adhellam enakku theriyaathu.. (Hussein: unakku ennathaan theriyum?)
  indha TamilAlagan Bureau of Investigason padi, nee oru dheeviravaadhi.. Tamil-a kolla pannitae. I have got bermeesan from the gavarment to Soott you.."
  Hussein bhai-ku kovam vandhu etti vidaraan oru odhai.. right on his thoppai. Spring action-na enna-nu avanukku ippo thaan puriyuthu! He lands a 100 yards away.
  VK: "nee oru Khaki sattai mela kai vechurundhalum parava illai,. indha tamilnaatu polees gauravathuliye kaal vechutae.. unakku manippe kidayaathuda!"
  Damaal damaal damaal.. he shoots at Hussein. But "AIM" - VK-ku theriyaatha pala vaarthai-la onnu.. Hussein-a thavira avana suthi irukara ella maatayum suttutaar VK!
  
  Hussein starts crying.. "saniyane.. edhuvum urupadiya panna theriyaadha unakku?! Oru nimisham thupaakiya thaa"
  kodumai thaangama Hussein does tharkolai.. VK does that kona vaai sirippu once more, and blows the dust off the gun's barrel!!
  
  Enter Napolean in a police costume. "I'm sorry sir.. Inga oru Pakistani theeviravaadhi irukkaan-nu thagaval kidaichudhu.. ungala thavira kannukku ettara thoorathula yaarum illai.. by intellectual reasoning adhu neenga thaan-nu sandhega padarom"
  
  VK quivers w/ indignation.. he breaks out into a song.. adhaanga namba National Anthem. Potu naasthi pannaraar..
  
  *cut to a graveyard in Bengal*
  Tagore's turning in his grave!
  
  *back to Chennai*
  Napolean puts down his gun and salutes VK!
  
  Engendho VK kudumbame odi varuthu.. Sonia Agarwal-um vara...
  VK-ku gavarment oru award kodukudhu. PM solaraaru.. "You..............have.........done......a major help........to this society."
  The Deputy Prime Minister goes around waking up people.
  "All....terrorists....have surrendered... fearing the health of their pets. Maneka Gandhi wanted to sue you... but we've managed to keep her quiet by buying her a pet alligator.
  So we beg of u... please do not attempt to save the society any further. We'll make sure every citizen in India contributes toward paying you. Please sit at home and relax."
  VK gives his smile one last time...
  *The End*!!
  
  PostScript:
  -- Sonia Agarwal and VK get married... though the wedding photos were in colour, nobody could fathom why their close up shots turned out like Black and White photos..
  -- DHL services declare bankruptcy... Most of the employees complained of a bad back and they had to compensate!
  -- Mortein and Tortoise Pvt Ltd come to an understanding...
  -- Appa VK enjoys his role as a naatamai so much that he creates some kinda disturbance every night in the neighbourhood so that he'll get a case in the morning (Ferrari.. I dont mean what u normally mean! :p )
  ---- No Animals were harmed..err..killed during the making of the movie.. There are a few, still recovering from the "Saak" of seeing VK though! They are being treated by the best Vets of India.
  
  From: magix (@ 61.247.249.34) on: Mon Mar 1 23:52:49 EST 2004
  
  yebba! evalo periya climax!
  
  

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